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Hi! My name is josh, and I haven’t showered in 10 years.
Sounds insane, doesn’t it? Well, I wish I could just take a bath and be done with it, but I simply can’t. I’m deathly afraid of water.
When I was a little baby, I would scream and sob miserably whenever mom gave me a bath. She said she always expected me to get over it, as all babies did, but I never did. Every single time the water was turned on in the bathroom, I began crying and trembling like a leaf. I had these bad panic attacks as a young kid, and mom had to drag me inside the bathtub and rub the soap and shampoo on me as fast as she could.
Every night, it was a struggle to get me to bathe, and I wouldn’t calm down for a long time after every single shower. She tried everything, but I kept rebelling over and over again.
About when I was 5 or 6, she decided I was old enough to take showers on my own. She would supervise me at first, of course, but after a while, I was left alone to bathe. That was when I began finding ways to avoid taking showers at all.
At first, it wasn’t so easy. I had to do a lot of things for mom and dad not to notice what was going on. But over time, I perfected the system and took so many steps to pretend I really was taking showers.
Every night, when mom told me it was time to get a shower, I would reluctantly head into the bathroom. I felt my heart pounding in my chest. Even if I knew I wasn’t going to be getting inside the shower, I still struggled to be inside the bathroom.
It’s a phobia I don’t really understand, and I can’t manage the fear I experience when thinking about showers and water in general. I don’t have problems drinking water, but submerging my body in it or having it being poured over my head terrifies me.
Of course, I tried other options before deciding to never take a shower again. I tried washing myself by rubbing soap and water over my body, but I still ended up trembling and sobbing alone. I also tried to take super quick showers, but nothing worked.
So I got really good at fooling my mom and dad. I had a whole system planned out, and I repeated it every single day.
I poured a bit of shampoo down the drain and did the same with the liquid soup. I made sure never to use too much or too little since I didn’t want mom to be suspicious. Then I would let the water run for a while, standing in the opposite corner of the bathroom, and trying to ignore the sound. It stressed me out so much, but I could handle it for a few minutes if I was far enough from it.
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