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Hey guys! My name’s Lauren. I’m 18 years old, and I have a big problem. On the surface, you’d think I was just like any other girl. I’ve got some great friends, I hit the gym four times a week, and I’m currently studying psychology at college. But, I’ve got a dark side. It’s a side of me I don’t quite understand – nor do any of my friends. I wish I could control it, but this past year, this cruel and twisted side of me has been showing up more and more.
Here’s the deal. I have this boyfriend, Greg - or at least I used to. Greg really is the perfect guy. Handsome, rugged. He could easily pass as a Hollywood heartthrob. Me and Greg dated for five months, and it was total bliss the entire time. He treated me like a princess. He showered me with gifts, took me to the hottest restaurants, and pretty much did everything he could to make me happy.
Of course, I went along with this, but I knew deep down that I wouldn’t be keeping Greg around for long. You see, every time he showed up on my doorstep with a bunch of flowers, or every time he texted me saying “I love you,” all I could think about was how good it would feel to hurt him. I got a serious thrill out of imagining the heartbreak I could put Greg through. Here was this incredible guy, and he was completely at my mercy. The truth is, I got MUCH more satisfaction from this feeling of power than I did out of the actual relationship.
My research told me I might be a sociopath, or a drama queen, or any number of different things. I’ve always been a smart girl, way ahead of everyone else in class, and I think I just want something MORE than other girls. More than just a normal relationship. I crave power. I want to get behind the surface and get into a guy’s head. To me, that’s the sexiest thing in the world.
One night, Greg texted me telling me to get myself ready because he was taking me out somewhere fancy. I knew this would be a perfect opportunity. So, I didn’t reply. But I did get myself dolled up and headed somewhere else. Me and my friend Rachel went to a bar in town. Three hours later, Greg texted again, clearly worried. This time, I messaged him back. “Sorry. I’m at a party.” Greg replied with a confused face. I started to feel that thrill. That rush. I knew Greg was sitting at home, tormenting himself over what I was doing. Suddenly, I felt ALIVE!
At the bar, I saw a hot guy from my college named Jason. I worked my magic on him, flirted with him, then kissed him. And I made sure to film the whole thing on my phone. Rachel watched the whole thing in horror from the other side of the bar. When she saw me, she ran over, grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side. “Lauren, what the hell are you doing?” she screamed. “You have a boyfriend!” “Not anymore,” I said. “Watch this.” I clicked share video, then sent it to Greg. I captioned it: “Sorry babe, we’re over.” Rachel’s eyes widened in shock. “Are you completely crazy?” she shouted. “Why would you do that? If you’re going to break up with him, just tell him.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” I laughed. “Greg is amazing to you. In fact, he’s way too good for you, and you’re just using him. I can’t believe you’d do this to him!”
My phone started flashing. Greg was calling me. I looked up and saw Rachel storming off out of the bar in a huff. To my right, I saw Jason – the guy I’d just made out with – shaking his head in disapproval. Then he walked off too. And I was alone. Back at home, I found Greg had left a bunch of roses on my doorstep. He’d only called me once, then gave up. I called Rachel to ask where she’d gone, but she ignored me.
The weekend came. No one contacted me at all. Suddenly, the rush I felt disappeared.
Monday at college, hardly anyone would look me in the eye. Word spread around about what I’d done. People avoided me – even my closest friends.
#DearDiary #dating #infidelity #tinder #girlfriend #relationship #stop_cheating #regret #cheating #boyfriends #break_up #hear_break
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