Things that the Covert Narcissist Will Never Understand and Why It's important to the Target The Goal of any covert narcissist abuse survivor is to fully heal, to completely divorce themselves mentally, physically and emotionally from the narcopath. But we all know that is easier said than done. The memories of the narcopath can't simply be erased and there are many reasons for this. The short explanation for the inability of the target to move on is that the targeted victim was not in a real relationship with a person who genuinely cared about them. But that isn't even the worst of it, not only did the narcopath not care about the target, they literally set out to use abuse and victimize that person. The result is that the narcopath turns a person they target into someone who questions their own perception of reality and their own self worth and abilities. In the end that target is a shadow of themselves and the abrupt departure of the narcopath with little or no explanation creates a deep trauma. Because of the incessant gaslighting by the narcopath that victim has literally been lured into a fantasy world. That luring was done very gradually and incrementally by a narcopath who had practiced this routine for the greatest majority of their lives with multiple victims. Thankfully some people become aware of the game being played and exit the relationship, saving themselves. But many victims have made their investment and even though they are aware something is very wrong with the relationship they persist in trying to make things work. Meanwhile every additional moment in that relationship means the target loses more and more of themselves. At the same time the narc is making plans for their next adventure with a suitable target. Yes the covert narc I was with had decided the next muse would be a military man, preferably someone living in California. The social site that narc had become addicted to was like a candy store for targets and a catalog for different points of view. A supposed liberal covert narc against gun violence would now indulge in an association with a gun loving conservative. If you take a look at this behavior from a detached point of view the bizarre behavior of the covert narc is interesting, but sick. Yes, the shopping had begun long before the final departure of that narcopath. But that is an aside. The victim is both disoriented and confused at the sudden discard coming seemingly out of nowhere for no reasonable explanation. Why? Because the target's reality was dictated by the narcissist and that false reality was slowly but surely getting further and further away from actual reality. It isn't that the victim was losing their ability to reason or use logic, it's just that the “material” that the target was working with was less and less based on actual genuine circumstances, but instead based upon the lies constructed by a depraved narcopath. The target was sane but because they were deceived they were no longer making sound decisions or plans, because those decisions and plans were all based on a foundation of lies. The narc had broken that person down to the point where they had lost themselves and wrapped their whole existence and future around the narcissist. The facts, which were of course all fake and phony facts of the relationship, were everything that the target based their reality on. When the narc departed, here was nothing left. That target's reality departed with the narcopath. Yes, now the narc would deny it all and weave an intricate tale of being abused and lied to and cheated upon. Classic projection. Yes the narc created the fake reality of the relationship and because they were the sole author of that fraudulent reality, the narcopath felt they had the copyright on that reality and could change it at will and be the final authority. So the victim is left with many unanswered questions, confused and disoriented making the narcopath's job all the easier. Yes, that victim's efforts at getting any answers or closure gives the covert narcissist all of the evidence required to convince anyone involved that the victim is the irrational one, the unstable one, the crazy one. So that is how it ends. The narc moves on washes their hands of the situation and pursues their new partnership. Clean and simple. Meanwhile that target is left with nothing, almost everything has been taken and what was left has been severely damaged. Normal, genuine relationships aren't like this at all. When both partners actually invest themselves into a relationship they both have skin in the game, something at stake. So that relationship has significance and meaning.
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